Dear Chevy Astro Van,
You've had a good run, but it's time to go. I remember riding around in you as a kid in friend's parent's cars, but those years have long passed. Now your only use is to transfer lower income families at 40 mph on the freeway, spewing smog into the lungs of everyone who is cursed enough to be stuck behind you. On top of that, let's face it, you are now used in about 50% of gang-related crimes. Do your part to lower crime - it's time for your to call it a day, throw in the towel, and find your way to the closest junkyard. You've done well for yourself, but now, your time has come. I mean, Obama tried with the whole Cash for Clunkers deal, but some of your owners didn't seem to get the memo (which is perfectly fine with me since I don't feel like financing any more of those deals with my tax dollars). Your fate is now the same as other vehicles like the Ford Windstar. How come your owners aren't more like theirs? I haven't seen one of those wretched things in ages. So do me a favor: find that junkyard, and we'll be sure to recycle you into something new and beautiful so we can start the process all over again.